Story: Romantic Excursion to The Primate World

Exia and Phoxen selected the names “Elaine” and “Philip” for their romantic excursion to the primate world. 

It had been fun exploring the various options for their pseudonyms together, which also gave them something to do on the long cruise from their home planet. When they arrived on Earth, and settled into the vessels built for them by the agency (very organic, and excitingly frail), they chose an apartment in a city that the local population called “New York” -- and went about settling in.

Unfortunately, as it will sometimes happen with trips to an unknown and faraway place, a wrinkle of fate intervened with their plans, as a global illness spread among the local population of primate-evolved humans. 

This found “Elaine” and “Philip” completely unprepared, as they had opted when selecting their package for the “authentic experience.” This meant that, in their travel vessels, they were as vulnerable as the primates to the disease that was spreading throughout Earth, necessitating that they enter quarantine along with (most of) the rest of the world.

“I told you we should have gone to New Zealand,” Exia quipped.

“We’ll be fine. It’s no worse than getting caught in a ion storm around Quoros.”

“Ion storms pass, or you can navigate around or through them. This is like an ion storm in our living space, every day.”

“We’ll be fine.”

“We’ll see about that.”

And, in the end, he was proven mostly right. They made it work.

Phoxen mastered the art of brewing something the primates called “coffee,” within a matter of days. He prepared this exciting local drink for Exia each morning. It was similar to her usual early daytime stimulant back home, which she often ordered out on the way to work, and yet the intimacy and the simplicity of its preparation by Phoxen (as Philip) pleased her greatly. 

Remaining in place wasn’t as easy for Exia, overall, but Phoxen, naturally more comfortable indoors, adapted easily. 

She borrowed on his optimistic practicality surrounding their situation, and even took to teasingly calling him a “turtle,” a non-primate lifeform from the same planet that she found irrepressibly cute, that took its home wherever it went and seemed quite comfortable doing so.

Exia did still often wish they could go out and explore the alien planet, as was the original plan. According to its histories, they’d come a little late to enjoy the full breadth of Earth’s natural, primal beauty. Several preserved environments still meeting this definition remained, however, such that -- under normal circumstances -- they would have gotten in some nice holorecordings, among a diversity of alien landscapes.

They had chosen New York based partially on the brochure from the star cruise company. It was an accessible hub for international travel (though they were warned to avoid a waystation called La Guardia), but also an exciting place to be dropped down into humanity-at-large. Then there were the reports surrounding the city’s thorough consolidation of quality cuisines, originating from so many of the subcultures of the entire planet. Sheltering in place now, as they must, they were not able to fully experience this planned highlight for the trip.

Sometimes, they had dishes delivered to them, but this was done manually, instead of by teleportation, and so the food was often not what it could have been.

So, Exia worked to study the planet’s foodstuffs and methods of preparation, and she cooked for them instead. It took some time for her to convince Phoxen of her prowess in this area, but he eventually acknowledged it. He had very little ground to stand on in comparison, since that time back on Quoros when he had cooked for her. That had not gone well, to say the least. Exia had required much rehydration, for several days following.

In the end, though it had not been ideal, the excursion to the primate world of Earth brought them even closer than they already had been. 

Based on interplanetary touristing protocol, they could not chance returning to their own bodily vessels, until after they had been cleared locally as non-contagious. It was the risk one ran by choosing such an authentically adventurous trip. This was the rule, and so they needed to continue to ride it all out, before heading home.

“You were right,” Exia admitted one day, sipping that morning’s coffee, and settling down next to Phoxen on their couch. “We’ve been more than fine.”

Phoxen looked up from the book he had been reading, from a genre the primates called “science fiction.” He derived much pleasure from such tomes; their theories offered such a delicious mix of naivete and random prescience. 

“I love you very much,” she added, with a smile.

Phoxen smiled back. 

“I love you, too.”

“I forget sometimes. It’s not the excursion that matters. It’s the time together.”

“Exactly. That, and the coffee.”

“Well, yes, the coffee, too.”

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This story was commissioned by Elaine, for Philip. It was written by Michael DiBiasio-Ornelas, via Last Site Press. To order your own Custom Short Story, click here.